Death Lessons

Last Sunday, February 18th marked the 1st anniversary of my brother, Paul’s death. These last two weeks, I found myself crying often and feeling hurt and sad almost constantly. This past year has been the most difficult year of my entire life.

Paul accepted Christ not long before he died. I'm so relieved that I'll see him in heaven someday but not a day goes by that I don’t miss him here on earth. I wish for one more hug and one more chance to say, "I love you, Paul."

My brother loved eagles and collected them. They were everywhere in his house. My niece, Nichole brought his eagle collection to the funeral home and displayed them throughout the rooms. Dwight Kingsbury, my brother-in-law sang two solos about eagles at the funeral service and in our son, Nathan’s part of the service, he talked about Paul’s eagles.

We even used the verse from Isaiah 40:31 on his funeral cards. It says, "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." I’ve heard, or read that verse almost every week since Paul’s death. It always reminds me of him.

I learned valuable lessons from Paul's death and from my grieving time. I hope I never forget these lessons. I learned to:

1. Clear Up Disagreements & Arguments Immediately.
The bible tells us, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" (Ephesians. 4:26). I practice this as a wife but it’s important with any relationship. Reacting with hurtful words destroys relationships. Ask forgiveness quickly whether it’s your fault or not.

2. Spend Time With Those I Love
My biggest regret was not spending more time with Paul. Why didn’t I visit him more, phone him more, and take him out to eat more? All of us live busy lives but take it from me; relationships matter more than jobs, or social events.

3. Save Mementos & Take Lots of Pictures
The pictures of Paul plus the letters, cards and gifts I received from him are priceless to me now. A few weeks back, I found a picture of him that I’d forgotten about. His always-smiling face looked exactly how I remembered. How thankful I am for that picture.

4. Show Affection Often
Whenever we left each other, Paul and I hugged. I miss his hugs. I make a point of hugging others now, especially family members. Hug your loved ones even if it’s a huge effort for you.

5. Say I Love You Often
The last time I spoke with Paul was on the telephone two weeks before he died. I remember thinking, "I want to say I love you before he says it to me." He beat me to it. His famous line before he left us or hung up the phone was, "I love you and all that stuff." What a lesson for all of us to learn, always say I love you. Say it often.

6. Find Good in People While They’re Alive
At Paul’s funeral viewing and service, the amount of people who were affected by his life, who loved him, appreciated him and mourned deeply for him amazed me. His kindness, generosity, laughter, humor, work ethics and love were appreciated by many. Find good in people. It’s there. Dwell on the good in people not the bad, and also dwell on the present, not the past.

7. Send Personal Cards & Letters
I sent many birthday and Christmas cards to Paul and usually included a letter or wrote one on the card but I wish I’d written more no-occasion cards and letters. I realize the importance of these things now

8. Pray Every Day for Those I Love
I prayed for many years for Paul’s salvation. I also prayed often for his health. But I did not pray for him every day. I regret that now.

Realize now how important your loved ones are. Appreciate and love them now while you have them because my brother died suddenly without warning, without any chance for me to say good-bye.